Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
