Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
