I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
