i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
