WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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