I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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