i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
