Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
