Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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