There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
