Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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