Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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