Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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