I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize