Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
