OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
