I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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