once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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