I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
