Pants 0. Shit 1.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize