It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
