Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
