She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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