He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
