Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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