I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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