Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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