I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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