At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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