So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
