she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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