I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
