Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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