Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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