Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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