Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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