how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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