Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
