He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
