He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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