Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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