the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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