the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
