Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
