there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
