So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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