Someone shit on the floor
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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