I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
