ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Found the puke drawer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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