I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
