somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
