you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize