Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
