I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ttyl tear gas
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
