Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
