So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
