only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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