Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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