I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
